I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
