Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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