I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
