3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
