Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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