garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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