Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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