Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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