In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
