break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
