Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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