Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
