I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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