I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
