I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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