someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
