How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize