You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
