i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
