my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
