Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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