I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
