Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
