In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
