Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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