Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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