Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
