Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
