I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
