you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
