Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize