Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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