he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
