Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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