when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You ruined the universe
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
