Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
