She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize