You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
