One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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