we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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