I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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