new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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