May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My vagina just clenched in fear
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
