Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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