I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
