so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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