I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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