The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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