I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
