Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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