Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
