I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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