There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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