talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
