Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
