Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
