She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
