fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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