i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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