There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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