I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize