pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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