Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
