i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
