Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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