ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
