best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
