Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
