i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
