He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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