after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
