Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
