Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Did you just see the Batmobile???
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
