I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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