she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
