do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize