Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
His nipple licking is glorious
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