once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
even my farts smell like vagina
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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