I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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