he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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