the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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