This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
