I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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