i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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