I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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