you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
